Gatsby Crack Numbah 3
by Stormtiger
Summary: Bachelor parties, the Princess Bride, Man-purses, and a special guest appearance! Don't miss our third installment of Supreme Gatsby Crackiness! Co Authored by BeautyandtheBender, as usual


Enter Gatsby and Nick

Gatsby: OMG OMG OMG OMG My first time at Tom's place. He is so hot I am so happy he invited me

Nick: I think he will be turned off by your My Little Pony sleeping bag

Gatsby: glare It is NOT a sleeping bag! For the millionth time; it is a sack in which I keep all my stuff.

Nick: Uh-huh. Yeah. Whatever you say. So…that means it's your MAN-PURSE??

Gatsby: Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Fine.

(Rings doorbell)

Daisy: (offstage) Oh come on Tom they are my friends. Pleeeeease??

Tom: No Daisy they are freaks or at least the one who isn't your cousin is

Gatsby: (barges in) How dare you try to make Daisy say anything bad about me. You're so mean (wipes tear)

Tom: Whatever. Come in losers

Gatsby: (To Nick) AAHHHHHHHHHHH he spoke to me

Nick: Yippe-ki-friggin'-yay.

Gatsby: (panting) Oh my god I am so nervous- quick, should I ditch my Man-purse?? Will Tom think it's lame?? He will!! Gah! Why did I even bring this thing??

Nick: WHY did I ever agree to come here??

Tom: Because there's alcohol.

Nick: Oh yeah. Yay!

Daisy: I'll leave you sexy guys to your male bonding

Gatsby: (panting) I…Thank….love…you…you….we will

Daisy: bye

(Daisy Exits)

Tom: Ok I'm going out you guys can have the booze. There is no way I'm spending a night with a freak and a poor person

Gatsby: What? You're just going to ditch us?? I won't stand for this!!

Nick: Again: you're sitting down.

Gatsby: Again: FUCKIN' SHUT UP!!

Nick: (scoffs and drinks)

Gatsby: As I was SAYING…you invite us over to drink and whatnot, and the second we get here you just leave?? That's so cold.

Tom: Um, hello, there's a very good chance I was drunk when I invited you. Hell, there's a good chance I'm drunk right now.

Nick: Ayyy-men. (clinks glasses with Tom)

Gatsby: I have like the greatest idea ever. Why don't we watch a movie. Like the princess bride I love that on so much

Nick: That hasn't been made yet and anyway he have no TV. You are a freak

Gatsby: No TV?? That means no GREY'S ANATOMY!! How do you survive??

Tom: Grey what?

Gatsby: (huffs) Never mind. So…uhh…you wanna watch Juno? That's not THAT girly, right??

Nick: Ehh…not AS girly as PB, but still too girly.

Tom: And it hasn't been made for another 85 years.

Nick: Yes! That, too.

Gatsby: WHAT?? What year is it

Nick: 1922. What do you think 2007? You are a freak.

Tom: How about Porn

Gatsby: No my innocent mind. (stands up) I will not stand for this

Nick: Wow you were actually standing this time

Gatsby: Wow you were actually not Fuckin' shutting up this time.

Tom: Don't ay that… Just don't say that

(Doorbell rings)

Nick: If that's Jordan hide me. If I see her I'll never be able to get over her

Tom: I'll get it. It is my mansion

(Enter Shia Labeouf)

Gatsby: SHIA!! Hi!

Shia: Um, hi, I heard there was beer here?

Nick: You heard correct, man, here you go. (chucks beer at his head)

Shia: Thanks. (Puts in pocket) Um. So. I guess I'll be…

Tom: Going?

Shia: Uh…yeah.

Nick: Don't I wish…

Gatsby: Come ON! You guys are no fun.

Tom: Compared to the guys that you think ARE "fun"-

Nick: Um, Pete and Andy.

Tom: Then I'm very glad I'm NOT "fun".

Gatsby: What?

Tom: I don't know. (takes sip of beer) Hey, where did that giraffe come from?

Gatsby: What Giraffe. Where?? I've always wanted a giraffe. Can I keep it. Lease. Please. Please. You'll be my best friend

Nick: In that case he definitely wont tell you where it is

Tom: (falls over on couch) Does anyone want to hear a joke

Gatsby: (Sits on Tom's lap) What is it best friend forever?

Tom: Get off of me loser

Gatsby: (slides onto floor) Sorry. Personal bubble.

Tom: Uh. Yeah. Anyway- the joke: women's rights.

Shia, Gatsby, Nick and Tom: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Tom: (wipes at laugh-tears) Want to hear a tragedy??

Nick: What?

Tom: They got them.

Shia, Gatsby, Nick and Tom: Silence.

Shia: Hey I got an idea.

Gatsby: Sweet!! Finally someone to liven up this stupid ghost town party.

Shia: Uh yeah so you take this die (pulls die out of pocket) and throw it into this glass. (Puts glass on floor)

Gatsby: That's it?

Shia: No. Whatever number it lands on is how many drinks you take.

Nick: Classic.

Gatsby: awe-some!

Tom: I'll go first (stumbles to table)

(throws die)

Shia: Oh sorry man. You only got a one

Tom: Are you sure that really looks like a two to me

Nick: Course it does. (elbow's Shia)

Gatsby: (Crying) How dare exclude me from a elbow. I hate you

Shia: How bout you go next.

Gatsby: Yay! (rolls die) Sweet! Six!

Shia: Awesome. Take six.

Gatsby: (drinks) Okay, now you're are turn, Nicky-face.

Shia: Oh no- if you get higher than a two you have to go again.

Shia: (elbows Nick) Roll with it.

Nick: Yeah, of course, I almost forgot.

Gatsby: Uh…okay. I'll roll again. (Rolls) Hey! Four!

Shia: Nice. Drink four and roll again.

Gatsby: O-o-kay. (drinks) Kay. (rolls) Hey- it's a seven.

SHia: Yes, yes, whatever you say. (whispers to Tom and Nick) Let's get out of here.

Tom: Awesome- I knew Labeouf always has a plan.

Shia: Amen to that.

Gatsby: Whoaaa why does everything look blue?

Tom: I know a great strip club. You guys in?

Nick: Yah

Shia: I have to go to Walmart. But I'll join you dudes later

Gatsby: Have fun guuuuuurrrrlfrieeeeeeeeeeeends. Whoa- look at all the polka dots…

Nick: Um, yeah- Walmart sounds fine. Whatever. Let's just get OUT!

Tom: Bye-bye princess

Fade to black


End file.
